Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
