Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
