One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
