I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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