If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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