I cannot find my penis.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
