Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
