she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
