After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
