first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
