so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
