All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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