I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
