Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
