Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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