I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
