cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize