if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
