The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
