Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
