remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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