if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
