Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
