After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
