filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
