The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
