So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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