I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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