She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
