I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
