You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
