How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
