I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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