Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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