Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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