D3 body, D1 cock
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize