it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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