i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
