Man, jail baloney is awful.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
