dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
