whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
