ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i believe in u and ur pee
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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