Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
