so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
