Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
