is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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