you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I puked a lego.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
