Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
