So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
