He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
