i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
