After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
