Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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