Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
