Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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