what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
