I want to walk on stilts...naked
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
