masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
