it was like eating out sand paper
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
