Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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