I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
