Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
