chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
