I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize