sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i think my cat just said my name.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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