I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
