as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
