well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
