are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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