meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
