awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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