I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
